We are about a month away from the anniversary of the first full Covid lockdown, when the kids came home from school for the year and my life (all of our lives!) turned upside down. We are in the month (Dreary February!) right now that I said in March 2020 I was so grateful to not be in when we had to stay home and away from others. At least last year when this all started we were already steadily heading toward Spring. Winter in Indiana is rough, mostly because it is so long and gray. In recent years, it has been warmer and with less snow than when I was growing up here. However, in 2021, we’ve had a long cold and super snowy snap. The snow is currently up to my knees.

Being home so much because of Covid has actually done a great deal of good for me, but I am starting to feel claustrophobic in my little cocoon.

In a lot of ways, it’s been a hinge-point in my life to be away from so many voices coming in and chances to try to shine myself up. I’ve sat with myself and I’ve made peace. I have gotten to know myself, and I grew a backbone again in ways I haven’t felt since I was just a girl. I spent hours and hours alone and with my thoughts when I was younger. My room was my refuge in the middle of a sometimes stressful home. I was constantly reading as a kid, and always dreaming up something new.

That’s been how quarantine has been for me in a lot of ways. I’ve felt safe in my little refuge at home. I’ve been away from a lot of things that were stressing and worrying me. I’ve been diligent about a few self-care things like weekly (now biweekly) therapy, finishing up my 2 year dental work plan, and starting allergy shots. Still though, in the midst of the global pandemic, racial reckoning, and political unrest, I’ve let a lot of my other good habits fall to the wayside. It’s been a lot of inner work while letting my outer self have a break. It was so healing to not “perform” out in the world, as is my tendency I’ve come to know.

But! I miss some aspects of tending to my appearance. I feel like most of the time the care I put into my outsides reflects what’s going on in my insides. I’ve spent the better part of a year getting my insides in order, and it’s been a DELIGHT. I want that delight to how move into how I’m caring for my outsides.

These are the things I’m doing to kickstart my exit out of my safe and calm cocoon.

1. Eat fresher, more whole food. This isn’t a looks thing, and really is more of an inside thing…but it takes discipline and consistency, which is something I’m always short on when I’m working through deep and hard internal things or ideas. It’s like my self-control decreases and my convenience seeking increases. I think this eating what is around and what is easy is what happens when I live in my head and not my body.

2. Haircut and color! It’s been about 18 months since I’ve done anything to my hair. It’s time. I’m thinking a long shag sort of cut with curtain bangs. If I hate the layers, I’ll just cut it into a lob next time.

3. Go through clothes and shoes. Purge and donate or sell things that aren’t my favorites. Fill in the needs with high quality pieces that make me EXCITED to wear. Wait if I don’t find those things.

   // I’m very into: this puff sleeve dress and this flower dress for starters. Maybe this spring/summer I’ll achieve my aesthetic of a dress, baseball cap, and sneakers.

4. Do the same with my home. It’s like a great exfoliation. Gotta get the old and tired stuff out and make room for the new life to come.

5. Go through my house and tend to any ailing plants that are salvageable. Throw out any deadies. It makes me feel guilty when I look at plants that aren’t thriving because of my lack of care. I think maybe it’s because it is a reflection of how I’m tending to myself. Honestly, I don’t need to feel guilty about a $3 plant in my house that’s lived for years. It can go to plant heaven (the compost) and I can go about feeling better.

Okay! That’s it. Those are the things I’m getting up to as I wait in this liminal period where it FEELS like it’s going to be spring soon, but it most certainly isn’t. We’re still a good month away from any sort of warmer temps, but the additional sunshine every day sure is helping.